Oh mama, I can almost see you. Sitting in the cold dark of 3 am, sleepless again as you’ve been every night for nearly 10 months. You run your hand over your swollen belly, whispering secrets through the blaring silence to a baby you haven’t met yet. And you, making silent promises to the universe month after month, praying this will be your time, even as the clock hands spin and you begin to view your life in cycles rather than days. I see you too, navigating your way through a sea of paperwork and disappointment and anticipation in hopes of bringing home the child you want so badly. Yes, I see you there, no matter how you come to be called mama or daddy. The wait is crushing. The hope ebs and flows. Until (and I wholeheartedly wish this for all of you who’ve ever wanted to be a parent) you hold that child in your arms for the first time.
The road to the destination feels so long that by the time you get there, it’s hard to remember it’s only the beginning. Now, in the maze of firsts and lasts, milestones and budding personalities, it’s quiet enough to hear the shudder of expectations we told ourselves we would never have. Listen closely to that murmur…did you have a vision of what parenting would hold for you? Dreams of who your child might be?
There are plenty of things we can comfortably predict in this world: Odds, the weather. But our children don’t fit in that list. We cannot ascribe them a place in life safely under the crushing weight of our dreams or society’s dull walls. Our job is to oversee their potential, to guide their passion, to protect them from those who would dull their shine. When we take the time to tune into those preconceived notions, we can evict those toxic thoughts from taking up valuable space in our lives. We can let our children be the best versions of themselves.
So often there are stories. This post was spurned by a story I read this morning about a little boy made fun of at school by an ADULT for wearing socks with hearts on them. How sad that a child is made to feel like an outcast for making a harmless choice based on his interests–and by a parent of another child, no less. This is a small scale incident indicative of a much larger problem. Differences are attacked. Diversity is feared. In an effort to protect our greatest loves from ever experiencing the pain of feeling unusual, we are pushed to help them conform, to help them blend in–when we should be teaching them to fall in love with themselves. We should be celebrating the discrepancies between what we thought parenting might feel like and what it actually is.
And most importantly, no matter how different this journey is from what you may have planned, never stop reminding your babies every second that they are perfect just as they are. Tell them you love them until they beg you to stop, but don’t you ever stop. With your confidence, they’ll be even greater than you ever dreamed…they’ll help make the world a more beautiful, welcome place.
Destiny says
A very inspiring and wonderfully worded post 🙂
Chondra Sanchez says
Thank you so much for reading! xx
Sarah Jewel says
This hits home. My son has had blue hair, had pink be his favorite color, he wears nail polish (not just in “boy” colors)… He is himself; his beautiful, wondrous self. And I do everything I can to not let anything or anyone dull that special spark he has. But he has had to go through many comments. Many “that’s weird”s and “I’m not taking him out with hair like that” from his grandma… It’s hard being an “other” in this society. Conforming is the norm. Being like everyone else is prized.
But like his momma before him, he marches to his own drum, though sometimes it’s more like a kazoo. 😉
Chondra Sanchez says
It’s especially difficult when the resistance comes from family or friends. I totally understand the struggle and am proud of you for allowing him to be himself.
Ashley says
Love this so much. I am a firm believer that confidence, love, kindness all starts at home. You have to be good to the children of the world, they are the future. What kind of parent would I (we) be, if we didnt teach our children these things. Every child deserves to have the stability of goodness and who better to teach them, than us. We are, afterall, their heroes, their biggest fans, their first loves. I am making it my mission to teach my girls kindness, and gentleness… but to also stand up for themselves, stand up for what they believe in, stand up to the bullies and know that a persons opinion of you, doesnt change you. I want my girls to be themselves, be beautiful and be sure. Anyway… sorry this got so long. ♡♡
Chondra Sanchez says
All incredible points and very happy that you shared them (and that it got so long!) 🙂 xx
Jonathan santana says
Wow very well put together, I loved everything about this.I wish more people would feed into things like this more, instead of feeding into the negative things on, not only the Internet but just media in general. I hate the categories society places people in, it’s extremely sad and disheartening. We all really need to learn to love unconditionally and give that same love to people in need. Keep up the awesome posts you’re an amazing and inspiring person Chondra.
Chondra Sanchez says
Thank you. I try to focus on shifting the focus to positivity as much as possible. Even a tiny glimpse of kindness can change everything for someone. Really appreciate you reading and stopping by! xx
Laura says
My mom always let me express myself however I wanted fashion-wise and I remember teachers and school kids both making comments about my alternative appearance in middle school. Many “it’s not Halloween”s were yelled at me across hallways. Luckily I never let it get to me since I am pretty stubborn and strong-willed and I continue being a weirdo to this day, ha! But I worry so much about my son. You read these stories about bullying and kids feeling hopeless and being driven to suicide and I want to hug every kid and whisper that it WILL be okay.
Chondra Sanchez says
Kids can be so cruel and the saddest part is that it comes from a place of them feeling “less than” for whatever reason. My parents always encouraged me to be as strange as I wanted and to seek out other kids who seemed to be struggling. When we all ban together, we are so much stronger.